Fu Cheng Yih Noodles Lost In Translation

After my food poisoning episode the other day, I dropped into Dragon Land to pick up some fermented bean curd, some daikon, and some different noodles than I had at home. Noodle soup makes me happy. I like Dragon Land because it is a narrow one-aisle shop in a crappy half-deserted strip mall, and is conveniently located next to a state "wine and spirits" store. They have heaps of obscure produce, duck feet and a selection of mostly (I think) Taiwanese items that allow a segment of East Asian students to bear central PA for a few years. Unpretentious and delivers the goods.

So I got some Yih noodles, maybe also called Guan Miau noodles.

I didn't know what these really were, they just looked good, so when I got home I checked the back of the package to see if there was anything specific about cooking them. I know less now than I did before. There's a product description and then possibly three cooking methods(?) in a whack translation. To wit:

The specific dry Guan Miau Noodle in the sun manner is started from this idea. The original idea to dry the noodle was maintained them at a long time. Un-thought used the specific dried the noodle in the sun manner can be became the noodle Q-tastier and delicious. The technical is growing now, there are a lot of roasting machines, we did not find any roasting machine can be replaced the taste of the specific dry the noodle in the sun.

Obviously I infer that this is a sun-dried noodle made in an old style whose taste cannot be replicated by roasting machines. It's relatively easy for me to translate this into standard English since this is how most American undergraduates form sentences these days. How to cook it:

Braises fries: Use enough water, Heating after complete ebullition of by the fire maintenance of water, Puts in the boiling water the noodles, Disturbs slightly, Approximately 3-4 minutes, Fishes the noodles drainings does, Joins needs the seasoning, Braises fries then uses.

Gollum and Yoda seem to be free-lancing in translation services in-between major films. In The Empire Strikes Back there is the scene in Yoda's hut where he fixes a stew for Luke and himself: they deleted the part where Yoda intones "Fishes the noodles drainings does" right before the impatient Luke lashes out.

On to Recipe #2:

Flour: Use enough water, Heating after complete ebullition, Ebullition of by the fire maintenance water, Pute The in boiling water the noodles, Disturbs slightly, Approximately 3-4 minutes, Fishes the noodles drainings does, Joins needs the sauce material(the soy sauce, Onion, Garlic Oil trifle & hellip; Pours according to various human of taste adds),After the agitation then uses.

I do consider myself a "human of taste". So clearly they are tailoring their product to my caliber of customer. Very good. Recipe #3:

Noodles [Alright! I was looking for directions for noodles, since they are noodles.]: Use enough water, Heating after complete ebullition, Joins thought the seasoning blends flavors,After and so on reboils, In transferring to the fire still maintains the ebullition, Puts in the noodles, Boils to 3-4 minutes then.

"Joins thought the seasoning blends flavors". That is some obscure cooking advice. If I were really high that's the sort of phrase that I would struggle with for hours. It must mean something ... it feels like there's a deeper riddle to be unlocked.

Result: I finally made my soup with daikon, zucchini, kim chi of madness, garlic, sesame oil, soy sauce, dulse flakes and fermented bean curd. The noodles were very nice and had a good texture. Hit the spot after the food poisoning.